how to be awkward
by danisnotinteresting
Summary: Dan Howell had always though he was the most socially awkward person in the world. Then he met Alli. / a danisnotonfire fanfic
1. human interaction

_**1. HUMAN INTERACTION  
**Daniel bloody freaking god of YouTube Howell knows I exist. No way._

* * *

As I walk into Tesco, the first thing that catches my eye is a tall shelf full of brightly coloured drinks. "LOSE FIVE KILOS IN A MONTH! TASTES EXACTLY LIKE SOFT DRINK BUT WITHOUT THE CALORIES!" the labels on the bottles read. I snort a little, without the calories my arse. Advertising those drinks with a label claiming they have no calories in them is just like buying a can of Pepsi and scrawling "NO SUGAR" on the side in permanent marker.

Rolling my eyes, I walk away from the shelf, before pulling my phone out of my pocket. I unlock my phone and go on twitter, hoping at the same time people move aside rather than walk into me.

_**Allison Lin**_ _ awkwardallison_  
in tesco – hoping no one walks into me lol

Just seconds after I tweet, people have already replied. The replies vary from "I hope someone walks into you lmao" to "follow me omg1!1!". I have such nice followers. I see a couple of people tweet asking when I'm gonna post my next video because majority of them know far I stray from deadlines, and I tweet them back with,

_**Allison Lin**_ _ awkwardallison_  
to everyone that asked, new video up sometime soon. probably will be filmed tomorrow night bc we all know that there is a a 99.9% that i'm not going out on a friday night #nosociallife

_**Kat Osbourne**_ _ katrinalovesu11_  
awkwardallison And that 0.01% is exactly when, Alli?

I laugh. Kat is my flat mate and best friend – we've known each other since year nine, which is a long time, seeing as we're twenty.

_**Allison Lin**_ _ awkwardallison_  
katrinalovesu11 that 0.01% is if the apocalypse happens on a friday night

As soon as I finish tweeting that, I look up, and see that I'm about to walk into someone. I lock my phone and slip it back into my pocket before attempting to move out of the way, but unfortunately, he's on his phone as well so he doesn't know that's he going to walk into me. And so he does. Ugh. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him drop whatever he's holding and I'm about to apologise and help him pick his things up, but then I see his face, and I freeze.

It's _Dan Howell._ _The _Dan Howell. _Danisnotonfire_. Youtuber. Famous. Internet cult leader. I just walked into _Dan Howell _and made him drop his stuff. Oh my god. I'd met him at VidCon once, but he didn't really pay attention to me, and had just smiled and signed my t-shirt. He was paying attention me now - the next time I see him at a YouTube event, he'll definitely remember me as the girl who made him drop his stuff at Tesco.

"People these days," I hear him mutter as he bends down. "Don't even know how to apologise."

"You think I walked into you?" Play it cool, Alli, play it cool. So I raise an eyebrow incredulously. "More like you walked into me. I tried to move out of the way, but _you _– you just walked right into me."

"I walked into you? Sure. Ha." He rolls his eyes. He's not as charming in real life compared to in his videos, however he's still Dan. A watered down version of his YouTube self. "The least you could do is apologise."

"Or you could apologise, seeing as you walked into me." Still attempting to be cool and not squeal, I realise I'm probably gonna end up making him mad. Oops. At least I can say I had a conversation with Dan Howell or something.

People are gonna be like "Oh my god! You met Dan Howell? Did you take pictures and get his autograph? What did he say?"

And I'll just be like, "I made him mad, oops."

This is why I should never be allowed to interact with other human beings.

I look up at him again, and he scowls.

+5! Congratulations, Alli! You just made Dan Howell pissed off! Note to self – never talk any other living being again. Ever.

"Can you just apologise? Then we can we can just walk away from each other and never see each other ever again." Dan says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why don't you just walk away then?" I retort. Shit, I just unintentionally played the rude card. Why is my mouth incapable of saying nice things?

"I have more subscribers than you!" he stomps his foot. I thought they only did that in movies–

Wait, did he just say I have more subscribers than you?

Dan Howell knows I exist. _Daniel bloody freaking god of YouTube Howell knows I exist.  
_

_No way._

"Uh, sorry." He scratches the back of his neck, "it's a YouTube thing."

Oh.

He doesn't know who I am and just said it to prove that he was more he had more superiority. Hmph.

I take my phone back out of my pocket, and again, go on twitter. This time, I tweet,

_**Allison Lin**_ _ awkwardallison_  
just walked into danisnotonfire at tesco. literally

When I look back up, at him, his phone beeps, and as he looks down at it, I smirk. Must be a pain for him if his fans tag him all the time.

Upon next glance, Dan's eyes widen and I laugh. As I turn my back and walk away, in the corner of my eye, I swear I can see him grin.

* * *

**a/n: **hello! you may have seen this fic on quotev so don't panic, this isn't plagiarism, i'm the same author. this fic is loosely inspired but justonemorefic's (on hpff) fic etc. etc. (and life goes on). also jsyk this is a dan/oc fic. if you don't like dan/oc then you should probably step away from this fic and never come back. but just in case you wanted to know, i ship phan a lotlotlOT as well so that probably means i'll write a phanfic sometime. anyway, it would mean a lot if you reviewed and subscribed - free invisible cookies for you if you do!

xx


	2. oh my god

_2**. OH MY GOD  
**____Attached is a picture of me kissing a picture of David Tennant. Oh my god. I laugh._

* * *

I drive back home, as it's getting dark. Most people would probably ask me, "Why don't you walk back? You live less than ten minutes from Tesco!" but you see, I am certifiably lazy and my fitness level is below zero. Not gonna lie.

I turn the radio on, and it's Counting Stars by OneRepublic, which isn't bad. I mean, they're not Green Day, but at least they sound nothing like Bieber. Kat loves Bieber and Cody Simpson and every song in existence that I would rather _not_ listen to. Often, since Kat isn't a believer in the miraculous life saver I call earphones, back at the flat, she plays One Direction loudly in her room. Unfortunately, the wall between my room and Kat's is the same wall, so half the time I can hear the music.

Thank god for earphones.

When I reach the apartment block, I park my car and much to my legs' dismay, make my way up the several flights of stairs that lead to our flat. I would've taken the lift, but sadly, it's broken.

When I reach the front door, breathing heavily (yes, that's how unfit I am/how many stairs there are), I unlock it and manage to walk in, before closing it and sitting on the floor, back against the opposite wall. I go on twitter again, and decide to tweet about my unfitness.

_**Allison Lin **__ awkwardallison_

Exhausted after climbing up ten billion flights of stairs to get to the flat. The lift was FRICKING BROKEN. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT

I get up and go to my room. I turn on the lights before lying down on my bed and checking twitter again. The first reply to my previous tweet is from Kat, and it says,

_**Kat Osbourne **__ katrinalovesu11_

awkwardallison and this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Alli failed phys ed all those years ago lmao

I roll my eyes, before yelling, "I WASN'T THAT BAD AT SPORT!"

And this is the only good thing about sharing a wall with Kat.

"ALLI, YOU WERE _DEFINITELY_ BAD AT SPORT. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU THREW A NETBALL AT OUR COACH WHEN WE WERE AT PRACTICE – I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN!" I hear her yell back.

_** Allison Lin **__ awkwardallison_

and this, ladies and gentlemen, is why katrinalovesu11 will never ever get a boyfriend if she keeps on insulting her best friend

I add a picture of Kat kissing a wall from when we first moved in, and tap the tweet button, snickering. She's gonna kill me.

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH, ALLISON LIN, YOU HORRIBLE BEST FRIEND," She yells. I promptly fall off my bed laughing, dropping my phone on my carpet. My phone buzzes, and I pick it up, what incriminating picture of me did she post as payback?

_**Kat Osbourne **__ katrinalovesu11_

and /this/, ladies and gentlemen, is why Alli will never get a boyfriend. EVER.

Attached is a picture of me kissing a picture of David Tennant. Oh my god. I laugh.

My phone buzzes again. Another picture from Kat proving I have no life?

But no. The banner for being tagged in a tweet appears on the top of my screen, but it's not from Kat, it's from Dan…Dan Howell. Dear lord, he probably thinks I need to be locked up in prison – I mean after seeing me walk into him before acting like a twat, then encounter a picture of me kissing my laptop screen with Tennant on it, majority of the world's population want off with my head.

I inhale deeply, before tapping the banner, redirecting me to his tweet.

_**Dan Howell **__ danisnotonfire_

YOU, ME, PHIL, MY PLACE, 4:30PM. BE THERE awkwardallison

Um. I read the tweet again in shock. The first thing that sinks in is that he said nothing about me being mental. That's always good.

I read it again twice more, just for good measure. He's very vague about whatever he's talking about…then it hits me. Did Dan just invite me to his and Phil's flat for a threesome? Just as I'm about to tweet him back, another banner pops up.

_ danisnotonfire _is now following you!

I screenshot it. Oh my god. My head is going to implode. Today, I was a rude twat to him, then he tweets me saying I should come over to his apartment and meet Phil, then he follows me. I think there's something horribly wrong with him.

Hands shaking, I tweet him back with,

_**Allison Lin **__ awkwardallison_

danisnotonfire for a threesome?

_**Dan Howell **__ danisnotonfire_

awkwardallison check your dm's ;)

So I do. And there is his address, followed by one word; collab.

Oh my god.

* * *

_**a/n:**_ thank you so so so much for the reviews and favourites. if you like 1d or jb or cody simpson, i'm sorry if i insulted you! i'm sure they're great people irl (ahem minus bieber) but i just don't really like their music :/

leave a review telling me how horrific this was, and if you like it, give it a favourite and/or follow!

xx


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